In and Out of Control: Finding the Balance

From Happy to Sad

Okay, so my year began really sweet with a few unexpected happy surprises. However, sweet turned sour real fast. I had to take time off from writing to decompress for a bit.

I’m not going to get into the details because it’ll just be me venting and complaining, but let me tell you what I’ve learned so far.

When those happy surprises suddenly entered into my life, I embraced it. It felt good to know that anything can happen, that good things can happen. It started off my year! I even told everyone the good news, and I’m not one to speak out loud unless I know that what I’m saying is for sure true.

But maybe I spoke too soon.

A week or two later, those happy surprises quickly evaporated. As quick as it all began. All these thoughts came to mind of what just happened – it was a devilish tease, I was made into a fool, the rug was pulled underneath me, I was rejected, I was used. I could go on and on about how cruel it felt.

Of course I cried. But more than anything, I was frustrated over the concept of control.

  • What can I control?
  • What can’t I control?
  • What should or shouldn’t I control?

How to Balance the Control?

Most people want to be in control of their daily situations and future (me included). They believe that even the thought of being out of control is frightening.

But being out of control isn’t a bad thing at all. Look at what happened to me – my happy surprises, which were totally out of my control. On the other side, being in control can make situations worse and end up not being helpful at all, even though we think it will or think it will become the outcome we want.

So being in or out of control can turn into good or bad. But how can I find the balance?

Honestly, by moving with the flow of life. Maybe that’s a bit naïve to say, but just think of it as that’s all you really can do. The control balance slowly creates itself, not by me. And the key is to believe in that. That everything is going to fall into place.

In and Out of Control: Finding the Balance - Living After Surviving

Yet, this IS saying the thing that I must be in control of is that I choose to live on, continue living, and that means having a straightforward attitude. Maybe it’s not a positive attitude, but it’s a levelheaded mindset of, “Whatever happens, happens. Okay, so what do I need get done today?” It’s the, “On to the next” way of thinking because there is so much happening in the world and believe me, so much to do! There’s absolutely no time to think of the nonsense.

Yes, this is what I’ve been practicing. Control can and should balance itself because at the end of the day, the push and pull of control ultimately drives us to all of our meant to be’s.

But of course I still get angry and sad, dwelling, wishing I could be more in control of the situation or outcome. Overthinking and questioning, “Why? What’s wrong with me?” Even entertaining statements like, “My life is over.”

This is where practicing patience and building resilience comes in. To start, I ALWAYS think of all the grateful gifts I have in my life. Then, I think about how there are worse situations happening in the world.

I guess you can say it’s quite a mind game, but soon you’ll see that ATTITUDE is everything.

But Don’t Hold Things In

By saying to continue on with life, I’m not saying to forget what happened. My unfortunate turn of events left me with a lot of emotions. So I let them out in all ways possible – I talked to my family and friends, and I took part in recreational activities.

Like I said earlier, I took a writing break to regroup because I needed it. Just like how I cried. I needed to take care of my mental state. And that’s okay no matter how small or big the actual dilemma looks from the outside. If the situation is a big deal to you, then do what you got to do to in order to help you move on with the flow of life.

That’s living after surviving.

xo, CHU

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